The Guilty Pleasure | Sheanne Villa
It’s been a loooooong time since you walked out of my life and you still manage to hurt me this much. Yes, it hurts, it still does. I don’t know why, but it does. If there’s some kind of medication to make me forget the past, I would have availed of that a couple of years ago. Just to erase your memory, just to totally scratch your existence in my life. I tried, I try to forget, I don’t like this feeling but what other options do I have? I’m leaving, I want to be far from this, from thoughts of you, from memories, from what could remind me of those times. I hate days like this!
I have never ever ever been this unsure. I know I should not be feeling this, I know I should not even be having this as a problem. It’s not even Wednesday yet, but the tension I feel right now makes me feel how I loathe Wednesdays.
What’s the problem, Sheryl Anne? Get a grip! You’ll have to say goodbye to this soon, don’t get used to it too much. Remember how long you’ll be gone, you’ll just get hurt. Don’t force it, don’t let it happen, stop right this moment, Sheryl Anne! Don’t get used to rainbows when you know you’d have to live without it soon enough.
On the other hand, shouldn’t I just go with the flow and enjoy what’s left of the months, the weeks, the days? Shouldn’t I float freely in the breeze I’m in now and not mind that narrow end waiting for me?
January 1 - Day 1 of 365
I cannot believe this, my second photo journal, yippee! New year, new life, new experiences, new pages to fill and whole new perspective. I spent the first day of the year with people closest to my heart, my family, and people I practically grew old with, my childhood friends. Thank You, Lord for all the blessing I’ve received last year. And thank You in advance for more blessings I’m welcoming with open arms.
Fearless Forecast: this year will be filled with more adventure and excitement! Hold on tight, here we goooo!!
Give me just a day to feel this way.
Give me just this day, then I’ll be okay.
I just want to think of those happy times today,
I just really need the memories to stay.
Out of all the good and the bad,
Back in all those crazy times we’ve had.
And through those days you drove me mad.
You’ll always be the greatest I’ve had.
And this is just another silent time.
When all I can do is sit and write a rhyme.
Hoping that my thoughts are worth a dime.
If not your attention, a gift sublime.
Happiness to me may be relative
But of all the special things life can give
The only thing I want you to receive
Is a life of perfection that I couldn’t give.
I love you, I do. I just need to know you’re happy and that things are working out right with you. I still think of you sometimes. It’s been 2 years, two freaking years. 😢 I know this isn’t right but what we had was something I’ve never felt, and I don’t know if I’ll be given the chance to feel that way again.
After 4 books, 5 movies, tears, laughter, kilig, comes the finale. The Twilight Saga had been VERY memorable for me as I got to watch the first 3 movies with someone VERY special. And I got to watch Breaking Dawn part 1 in Bangkok. All my twilight books were given, not bought, even my DVDs were gifts. This is how “meant to be” Edward and I are. Hahaha! Seriously though, almost every movie/book has this connection in my life. Twilight introduced Bella as someone odd, and a girl who wanted to “change” just to be someone suited for the person she loves. And I was like that, although it wasn’t a vampire I wanted to be and fell in love with. Haha! New Moon, Bella insisted on being “like Edward” but Edward didn’t want her to lose her soul so he chose to leave so she can move on and find someone “normal”. And yes, that happened to me, too, insisting on “fitting in” for him. He came back, like Edward did in the story. Then comes Eclipse, how torn Bella was between Jacob and Edward. I wasn’t really torn that time, I knew what I wanted, but there were choices, too. But this is where my Twilight Saga ended, it was the last we watched together. So when I watched Breaking Dawn part 1 in Bangkok, it was a completely traumatic experience for me, OA! Haha! No, but I didn’t know I could go through that alone. And now that it’s already the last movie, I succumb to nostalgia once again. I will miss you, Edward. I will miss the person who’ll do anything and everything just to make the one he loves safe and happy. I will miss everything about it. *sigh* But I will be here, a fan, going back through all those memories of not just the characters and scenes but also how each made me feel and my own Twilight story. Forever.
Love. Amour. Die Liebe.
There are more than a thousand words synonymous to the word LOVE but none of them can really define what it is, and how it feels, and what it brings to the person who feels it.. Aaaaahhhhh, LOVE.
When I was a kid, LOVE is being with my dolls, receiving letters from my Papa who works abroad, attending kiddie parties, dressing up and opening presents. The feeling they brought was unimaginable, overwhelming, it felt like ponies and butterflies and cottoncandy everywhere.Growing up, LOVE for me upgraded a bit. A bit? Yeah, a bit. Everytime my Papa says, “I’m coming home soon”, that’s love. Everytime I come home with a love note from someone from our brother school, that’s love. I learned to fall in LOVE. Puppy Love. During those times, the feelings it brought were excitement, pride that someone likes you and it gave me the feeling that I needed to improve and prove something.
Until this day, LOVE for me is still a big puzzle I can’t figure out how to solve, or where to start. It’s something that I might have already felt, maybe genuinely, or thought I felt, something I might have let go of, something that might’ve passed me by, or something that lies ahead, just waiting for the right time to make its appearance. One thing’s for sure, LOVE is not just a word, it’s definitely not just letters, not just something you can pretend to feel and then get rid of. It is something inside you, something REAL, something that can make you do crazy things, something that can push you to DREAM, an emotion that can entice you to do even the most inconceivable, out of this world action. We all have our own definition of love, our own way to show love..
Now tell me, what is LOVE?
Christmas Season once again! Just like what I do every year, here’s a post on my Christmas wish list. Yes, I’m this easy to please. And the big surprise is that after I posted this on Facebook this evening, someone already sent me a message telling me that I don’t have to worry about having one of these, I’m sure to get it, before Christmas!!! Yaaaaay!!! Santa, if you’re reading this, a big THANK YOU in advance!
• On Death Penalty •
A lot of crimes have been happening nowadays, crimes that involve robbery, rape, and murder — all these in just a span of weeks. One of the solutions that the victims’ relatives suggest is this… Death Penalty. Personally, I believe killing can never be justified. Why kill a killer? Doesn’t that make you a killer as well? And besides, sending the killers in prison is death enough. They’ll be separated from their loved ones, they’ll be forced to live behind bars not knowing what’ll happen to them, and once (and if) they get a chance to be freed after the long detention, they’ll forever be marked as ex-convicts, and admit it or not, we Filipinos have the reputation of treating ex-cons as outcasts of our society. Punish them with death and they’ll only feel the pain for a few minutes. Give them lifetime imprisonment and they’d have to endure the pain and suffering for the rest of their lives. Call me cruel but in my opinion, that’s what murderers and rapists deserve. They deserve to spend the rest of their lives being judged, and losing everything and everyone one at a time, so that they will feel the loss that the families of their victims feel. Just my thoughts, don’t hate me for this. :)
Just finished watching ‘3 Idiots’. It is one of the best / most heartwarming movies I have ever seen. This movie is about how friendship can change lives and how little most of us know about life. That life is not just about the what we read in books, that it is not enough that we know the technicalities of it. We are humans, not machines. We have what it takes to think of how we want to spend the days of our lives, what we want to do with it, where we envision to be a few years from now. And because we are humans, we need people to hold on to, people who can help us survive every trial and push us to function the best way we can. People who’ll keep reminding us that “All is well” and are willing to sacrifice almost anything for us. We may often think we can find success on our own, and yes that is possible, but without anyone to share it with, success is not as fulfilling and gratifying.
Rancho, the exceptionally intelligent engineering student, who lives each day to the fullest and has an entirely different view on how life should be lived. The guy who was able to help people discover how to be really happy. Little did they know that beneath the helpful man lies a big secret that will alter the way they look at him.
Fahran, the student whose frustration was to break free and tell his father that he doesn’t really want to pursue engineering and would rather be a wildlife photographer, now able to speak up to say what his real plans are.
Raju, whose only wish and prayer is to be able to give his bedridden father and poor mother a better life. He will discover how to reach his full potentials and how to really be able to get to his dreams.
Each of us has either a Rancho, Fahran or Raju in us. Somehow you’ll relate to the characters’ situations and realize that we are all capable of working on our own destinies.
“Strive for excellence and success will chase you.”
If you think I intentionally tried to hurt you, you’re wrong. Nothing’s more painful than seeing someone important to you suffer in silence. But the thing is, you deserve this better than being in a situation that’s one-sided. You have no idea how hard this is for me, too. I became distant because I did not want to hurt you anymore with the things I can do and cannot do. I know you know what I’ve been through. There’s nothing else I want to do more than hug you and say sorry, for bringing you to this, for giving you pain. Know that I did not do this on purpose, I tried to love you as much as I could, but loving someone when you have not loved yourself fully will only either hurt yourself or others. It is possible for me to give you the best of me, it is possible to love you unconditionally the way you love me. The problem is that my mind says I’m ready but my heart gets left behind. I tried, God knows I tried. I love you, but my love for you is different from the love you expect, and the love you can give. I’ll always just be here for you, I’ll always be someone pushing you forward and helping you. I’m just not the one for you, I guess. I’m sorry. :(